Definitely not the first time I’ve been asked this question.
All the other times I’ve heard those words I’ve almost always sunk to a place of doubt, but this time around, each time I hear, “You’re doing what?!”, I just smile. I honestly become more and more sure that this is right.
What is this? Well, it’s my 6 month pledge to no dating. Yep! 6 months of no dating.
The question that normally follows is, “why?”.
So here’s my answer…
I had my first boyfriend when I was 15 years old. I met him online in an AOL chatroom (yes, a “you’re doing what?!” moment). We were a long distance couple for 2 years. We did see each other from time to time. I’m sure from the moment my parents found out they were hoping it wouldn’t last long, but I’m a committed gal and I stuck it out til it was time to be done.
That ended and my next boyfriend was a friend I had known for a couple years. We were an official couple in October of 2001 and were young and in love (naive). We ended up pregnant (not a “you’re doing what?!” moment, but definitely a “YOU’RE WHAT?!” moment). We made a decision to be married in June of 2002 and miscarried that baby in April of 2002. We were married anyway and after 6 years and 2 kids we separated and then divorced. But wait! There’s more! A month after our divorce was final I realized I was carrying the baby of my ex husband (another, “YOU’RE WHAT?!” moment).
Stellar record, right?!
Thank goodness God is a redeeming God. I am thankful that somehow he takes my tarnished past and uses it for good.
So from the time I realized I was pregnant with my daughter until just recently there has been an ongoing battle within me. the Christian woman with MY plan, MY vision, MY wants kind of battle.
God wants a family restored.
Kids want family together.
I love him even though he’s hurt me.
Things are different. Things will be different.
This is the right thing.
This isn’t the right thing.
Who else will want me with 3 kids?
So, for months now I’ve had friends and family praying for me and my forever husband. I’m on two dating sites (I’ve tried others too). My closest friends have started their own mission of marrying me off ASAP. I’ve been on dates, emailed numbers of maybes. I’ve avoided and blocked many scary people. A week ago I read a blog that mentioned a book called You’re Knight in Shining Armor by P.B Wilson. The same night I read this blog I happend to flip back a few pages in my journal and reread an assignment from a study I am in the process of completing. You can read that entry here .
I came to the realization that I as much as I dislike dating (seriously do not enjoy dating), for the last month, I’ve made it a focal point in my life and it was getting ugly. I reflected back to times when I was most carefree and fulfilled and it was when I was so busy being mom, career woman on a mission to bless as many people as possible, and enjoying the company of some really incredible people in my life. I wasn’t focused on finding my forever husband because I was focused on being who I should be for my forever husband. It’s time to get back to that.
In You’re Knight in Shining Armor, the intro talks about “The Manhunt”. P.B Wilson points out that Proverbs 18:22 says “He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord”. This verse makes me think back to days when girls weren’t out pursuing guys. Guys were out courting ladies. If they were out courting it meant they had something to offer her. If he was courting her it meant she had something to offer him. Fantasy? No, the way it should be.
I’m not interested in the manhunt. I want a true love story and that’s going to begin with the love story between me and God. He knows my heart’s desires because he’s written them on my heart.
6 months…what’s there to lose?
Single ladies, join me.
Men in pursuit of me…call me in 6 months.