Where there is no vision, the people perish (Proverbs 29:18)

Imagine with me a world where our sons and daughters held their heads up high and walked with confidence as though they knew no other way. Imagine them comfortable in their own skin not giving a thought to the “I wish I was” or the “if only I had”. Imagine for just a moment a world where who you are and what you have doesn’t make us feel less because what we each have and who we each are makes the other better.

This is the world I pray for and the world I wake up fighting for each day.




Imagine a world where words are filled with love and praise, encouragement and empowerment. Imagine a world where competition is a marathon in which the goal is to become better than we were a minute ago, a day ago, a year ago, a life circumstance ago.

This is the work I’m blessed to do…the calling God has placed on my life is to share this…to take it beyond myself and make sure it makes it into the hearts and hands of all those He places in my path.




Every now and then I grow weary. Every now and then I lose the vision. Then God lovingly and graciously revives my soul (Jeremiah 31:25) and spurs me on.

He reminds me…

I have plans for my people (Jeremiah 29:11)

He reminds me…

It is for the sons and daughters…your sons and daughter…their sons and daughters (Revelation 21:7) and if for nothing else it’s for Him (Colossians 3:23)

He reminds me how…

I have given you all you need ( Psalm 139:13-14) My Spirit dwells in you (2 Timothy 1:14)

He reminds me when…

Now (James 4:13-15)

I shall not waste another moment wallowing in my own self doubt, but I will be who I pray for my children to be…unafraid, unashamed, uncontained. I will take what has been gifted to me and pour into the next partched soul waiting to be revived…the next rose waiting to blossom…the next giant waiting to be unleashed.


No turning back

I’ve been changed. I’ve been changed and when I think about the intricacy of how it came about I smile in awe of God. I am no accident. Those nagging promptings deep within my soul…those longings for more…all of that is purposed and when I listen intentionally and am open to where God is leading I begin to see the path cleared out just for me. This path is only fit for my foot. Not one single other person on this earth can ever walk my path as it was specifically mapped out and chiseled for the things God planned for my life. In the big picture of it all…my path is less about me and more about what He intends on using me for.

As I sit on that thought I’m also left with the realization that if I don’t walk this path cleared out for me…if I for even just a little while attempt to walk someone else’s path then all He planned to use me for along the way gets left undone. Tears well up in my eyes at this thought.

This means that for each time I tried to be someone else or do what someone else was doing…each time I decided not to listen to that longing in my soul or that nagging voice within some piece of my path was missed never to be recovered again. A smile that could have graced the face of a beautiful person did not. A tear from a grieving person may not have been wiped. An encouraging word to a disappointed child wasn’t heard. A prayer for someone in need wasn’t petitioned. Who knows what didn’t come to fruition because I wasn’t being who He created me to be…I wasn’t walking in my cleared path because I was too busy listening to the noise around me. I was too distracted by someone else’s path that I missed the opportunities created just for me.

So a question was asked, who was I?




Wandering…sometimes aimlessly.


Negative of self.


Yearning for more.





But I’ve been changed…

Who am I now?


Free to see myself as God sees me.

Free to just be me.

Free to do what only I can do.

Free to walk the path that only my feet fit.

Free to be used to my full potential.


And in this new freedom I’m ready to ask the questions…

What to You want from me, Lord?


No holding back.

Where are we going, Lord?

Oh, just wait and see…

I surrender

“If we give more of ourselves to God, God will give more of Himself to us” – Mark Batterson

April 30, 2013

Father, I experienced this by saying “yes” even if saying yes means restoration. I’ve been hurt so much, but still if that’s what your will is – let your will be done. I released it to you and you’ve given me complete peace and joy – mostly I’ve gained a confidence – a contentment. Thank you. I’m in no hurry to manipulate your process. I only wish for Your will to be done. If that means a journey to restoration, I say yes. If it means a journey of singleness, I say yes. If it means a journey with someone else, I say yes, Lord.

A wise person is careful of what they say to the Lord. God follows through and he expects us to follow through on our word too. This note was written in my copy of “Draw the Circle”  that I have since read over and over again. Each time I read it I smile as I reflect back on how God has worked through those prayers. He has answered some. He has not answered some. He has whispered “my child, not yet” many times, but this prayer was answered May 15, 2015 and is a reminder to me that the Lover of my soul knows me through and through and has plans to prosper me, not to harm me. He has a hope and a future for me…a hope and future more beautiful than I can imagine.

I am in no hurry to manipulate your process…I only wish for your will to be done

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What’s next, Lord?

Starting Fresh…

Hi Friends,

Thanks for stopping by. I’ve been through a year of change and I’m feeling pretty good about that. With that comes new inspiration and new opportunity so this blog too must be revamped a bit. I appreciate your patience through the process of getting my ideas from my head (it’s a jungle in there) to this page. Thanks for sticking with me!



Catch up with me…

Wow! It’s been a long time since I’ve written anything here.

Uh-oh…that must mean it’s time to unload the million thoughts that have flooded my mind over the last 5ish months…

Let’s do this in list format:

1. I have amazing children who are unique, drive me crazy some days, and delight my heart always.

2. I love my Mom…she and I are so different and yet so the same, but I look into her eyes these days and I realize some things about her that make me smile…I see the raw beauty in her that most don’t get to see…I see the questions and concerns in her eyes that she won’t dare share because she’s too busy trying to shoulder it for everyone…I see the mom in her and I love her.

3. I’m not the same woman I was 2 months ago and you know what? I really appreciate the woman I was then because it’s made me the woman I am right now.

4. Life sucks, but it’s really sweet when you can give life a swift kick in the butt by resolving to smile and pray through it knowing God’s got this.

5. Miracles happen when one fully surrenders…don’t mistake surrendering for giving up because that’s far from it….surrender just means being okay with the results no matter what because God knows best. Surrender is saying “yes” to God even when you don’t quite know what the outcome will be and especially when saying “yes” takes you outside of your comfort zone.

6. If you don’t understand why God’s allowing doors to be shut, just trust…doors shut so others can be open and new doors yield a much better blessing than the door you’ve been clinging to….as the song says…”let it go…” (that’s for you, Rosalinda).

7. There is beauty in the broken…take the time to find it and you’ll find treasure.

8. Everyone needs a good dose of reality accompanied by a mighty circle of influence who will pray with you and for you…the circle of influence who will also say the hard stuff you need to hear even if you don’t want to hear it.

9. Don’t settle for fast food when you can hold out for the full banquet…in other words…don’t forfeit the real blessings for a quick fix that doesn’t nourish you or serve a purpose other than to momentarily fill a void.

10. Live in such a way that others can benefit from what you have to sacrifice or suffer…someone ought to benefit from the tough stuff, right? There’s a blessing in watching others make good of what once seemed not so good.

…there’s a bit of random thoughts for now.


Sharing Wisdom from Life Experience

I was messaging with a friend tonight and being caught up in myself (how selfish!) I completely forgot that today is a HUGE day for her. Today she celebrates a 2 year commitment to break a cycle and embrace herself as God sees her.

I realized what today is when I read a post she had on Facebook and with her permission I am sharing her post because there truly is so much to learn from the experiences of others. Sometimes we can take it all and sometimes it’s just bits and pieces of nuggets, but what my dear friend wrote tonight is truly something to take in and apply. Enjoy!

So…..many of my close friends know that today, December 1st, is a very special day for me.

One, it’s the two year anniversary of me officially starting this phase of my life as a single mother….again.

Two, it was also the beginning day when I chose to make a vow not to date for two years. I figured with the track record I had in regards to relationships, it was time to do some major work on ME. You see, I could only blame the other persons so much until it came time to take a hard long look in the mirror at ME. What’s that definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different? That fit me to a T.

So that is what I have been doing for two years. And it has sucked and been one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. And it has been amazing and one of the most rewarding experiences ever! Am I fixed and perfect? Heck, no! But I am eyes wide open and I would like to think much wiser. There is still a lot of work to be done, but I know what it is and am taking those strides to get me there.

What have I learned over these past two years? Here’s a few highlights:
1) It takes a village. Relationships are so key. We are not meant to do this thing called life alone. Make friends. Join groups. Don’t isolate.
2) It’s okay to ask for help and/or to accept offered help. We are not and were never meant to be super-humans. We can’t do it all. We need help. (see #1). This also means to seek out good professional help as needed. There is no shame in speaking to a professional. Get over yourself.
3) I don’t need a man to “complete” me. No man, thing, or person can make me happy, fulfilled, complete, whole, etc. It’s just not possible. It’s not fair to them or me to put that expectation out there.
4) Faith is THE foundation. Sure there will be those who are rolling their eyes reading this. But hey, if you don’t have faith, you don’t have hope. Plain and simple. Plus faith gives you a pretty good set of guidelines to go by when in doubt.
5) Wise counsel is not only a good idea, but it is crucial. You need people in your life that will tell you that you are messing up. You will need people that will listen and then tell you what you don’t want to hear, even though you know they are right. You need good people to bounce your ideas and emotions off of. This ties into #1.
6) Birds of a feather flock together. Or better yet, if you lay down with dogs, you’ll get up with fleas. Make sure you are hanging with the right crowd.
7) Marriage is not meant to meet my needs. It’s meant for me to meet someone else’s needs. To completely get over myself, get past my ego, and put someone before me. Wow. Total reality shift there. That’s why it is so, SO important to get your head on straight before getting back out there and rebounding with the first man that comes along.

That’s all that is coming to me right now. There is so much more that I learned, but it is hard to put it to words. I do want to say thank you to each and every friend and family member who has stood beside me along this journey over the past two years. I couldn’t have done this without you. I love you all!

Table for One

As I drove home tonight, my tummy growled at me signaling that I had only consumed coffee for the day…no good. I sent out a few text messages and nobody was able to join me so I continued driving all the way home until it dawned on me…why do I need a buddy to dine with?!

So, I made U-turn, parked at one of my favorite sushi places and walked in with book and journal in hand. “Table for One, please”. As I sat and ordered my plum wine, I crossed my legs, opened my book and inhaled a deep cleansing breath. As I took a look around I saw the normal chatter, the cute couples on dates, and the annoying crowd too loud for the atmosphere they were in. I couldn’t help but smile!
For an hour and 15 minutes I sipped my wine, took bites of my dinner, and indulged in a good book. As I read I found myself pausing to write notes, scribble out questions, really take in points to ponder, and at some point I realized…this wasn’t a table for one…I was on a date…a God date.

As usual, he met me right where I was. I wasn’t alone…in my singleness…at my table for one I was in perfect company.

Love Notes in Disguise

In a woeful moment in Pity City I journaled my memories from my past that have resulted in my hurts of my present so that I can work to keep them from seeping into my future.

These moments in Pity City are no fun. They’re challenging because they cause me to remember things I try not to think about. This is part of the process of my 6 month journey to my heart’s desire so I found myself pouring it out in writing in my most favorite owl covered journal (because journaling in this journal makes it better…to me anyway). I paused for an ice cream break because ice cream made Pity City easier (insert #fatkidproblem) and after indulging in the last bite I resolved to continue journaling.

Lord, I feel the hurt from…and it just doesn’t go away. What went wrong? How is it fair that…and there is no consequence?

Just then the phone rang. I was expecting this call so I took it (relieved to get out of my own head for a moment). This beautiful woman and I talked about some fun business things and then the conversation turned a bit. Lovingly she asked about how I am doing. I shared some revelations without telling her what I had just been journaling and in a 30 minute conversation I was met with the Lord’s answer to my cry out for reassurance, understanding, comfort, and encouragement in the form a love note named Melissa T.

I experienced two major blessings from this love note…

1. God wants to be included in every part of my life so that HE can rush in to be my knight in shining armor and/or send in someone or something that gives me just what I need at just the right moment. He is always on call with an abundance of love notes, love songs, love stories…LOVE…unconditional, unwavering, unending love.

2. When I walk with the Lord and strive to truly make him my focus, even in my imperfections (or flatout FAILS), those watching me see the good and God uses that in many ways. These people don’t have to be in my life daily, but people notice and are moved  by God at work in me and through me…in you too!

I’m thankful for love notes in disguise. They’re the sweetest surprise that fills my heart even in the deepest, darkest moments.

Pity City is no fun, but even there God delivers love notes to encourage me on to the next stop on my journey.

You’re Doing What?!

Definitely not the first time I’ve been asked this question.

All the other times I’ve heard those words I’ve almost always sunk to a place of doubt, but this time around, each time I hear, “You’re doing what?!”, I just smile. I honestly become more and more sure that this is right.

What is this? Well, it’s my 6 month pledge to no dating. Yep! 6 months of no dating.

The question that normally follows is, “why?”.

So here’s my answer…

I had my first boyfriend when I was 15 years old. I met him online in an AOL chatroom (yes, a “you’re doing what?!” moment). We were a long distance couple for 2 years. We did see each other from time to time. I’m sure from the moment my parents found out they were hoping it wouldn’t last long, but I’m a committed gal and I stuck it out til it was time to be done.

That ended and my next boyfriend was a friend I had known for a couple years. We were an official couple in October of 2001 and were young and in love (naive).  We ended up pregnant (not a “you’re doing what?!” moment, but definitely a “YOU’RE WHAT?!” moment). We made a decision to be married in June of 2002 and miscarried that baby in April of 2002. We were married anyway and after 6 years and 2 kids we separated and then divorced. But wait! There’s more! A month after our divorce was final I realized I was carrying the baby of my ex husband (another, “YOU’RE WHAT?!” moment).

Stellar record, right?!

Thank goodness God is a redeeming God. I am thankful that somehow he takes my tarnished past and uses it for good.

So from the time I realized I was pregnant with my daughter until just recently there has been an ongoing battle within me. the Christian woman with MY plan, MY vision, MY wants kind of battle.

God wants a family restored.

Kids want family together.

I love him even though he’s hurt me.

Things are different. Things will be different.

This is the right thing.

This isn’t the right thing.

Who else will want me with 3 kids?


So, for months now I’ve had friends and family praying for me and my forever husband. I’m on two dating sites  (I’ve tried others too). My closest friends have started their own mission of marrying me off ASAP. I’ve been on dates, emailed numbers of maybes. I’ve avoided and blocked many scary people. A week ago I read a blog that mentioned a book called You’re Knight in Shining Armor by P.B Wilson. The same night I read this blog I happend to flip back a few pages in my journal and reread an assignment from a study I am in the process of completing. You can read that entry here .

I came to the realization that I as much as I dislike dating (seriously do not enjoy dating), for the last month, I’ve made it a focal point in my life and it was getting ugly. I reflected back to times when I was most carefree and fulfilled and it was when I was so busy being mom, career woman on a mission to bless as many people as possible, and enjoying the company of some really incredible people in my life. I wasn’t focused on finding my forever husband because I was focused on being who I should be for my forever husband. It’s time to get back to that.

In You’re Knight in Shining Armor, the intro talks about “The Manhunt”. P.B Wilson points out that Proverbs 18:22 says “He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord”. This verse makes me think back to days when girls weren’t out pursuing guys. Guys were out courting ladies. If they were out courting it meant they had something to offer her. If he was courting her it meant she had something to offer him. Fantasy? No, the way it should be.

I’m not interested in the manhunt. I want a true love story and that’s going to begin with the love story between me and God. He knows my heart’s desires because he’s written them on my heart.

6 months…what’s there to lose?

Single ladies, join me.

Men in pursuit of me…call me in 6 months.