Who is it that I seek to impress anyway? If I say it is the Lord then why do I fear? His Word is clear and repeats, “do not fear,” and then here in 1 John reminding me…there is no fear in love – he is love. If I am truly hidden in him, lost in him, awestruck by him there is no fear only an undying longing to know him, seek him, honor him, obey him, impress only him. 

   
When I shrink back in fear, I must have stepped away from him.

When my mind talk and doubt is louder than my heart talk and faith, I must have wandered onto my own path and out from under his protective covering.

When someone else’s opinion of me and harsh words derail me, I must have taken my identity away from him and placed it in the hands of my foes.

Rather than cower to fear I will use fear as a reminder to lean in closer to the One who drives fear away. 

Caught up in my own mindtalk this week I approached this morning in desperation for God to heal my preoccupation of self and give me a dose of truth…His truth. I prayed the armor of God but this time from the good old words of  New King James translation and asked God to show me where I was leaving myself open to the enemy’s defeat. 

  
Often a person knowingly allows herself to believe a lie because of fear or self-pity (NKJV)

Okay Lord, must your response so be so blunt?

The heart must be kept pure and righteous because sin gives a foothold to the enemy

Umm…where have I sinned Lord? Show me.

Peace and reconciliation. 

Ugh! I am spreading peace….with those who make it easy to approach. It’s not like I can go thumping people on the head with a Bible! What about those who have a wall up? What about those who spread false accusations? What about those whose main goal is to stay as far away as possible? 

An undaunted sense of mission keeps the believer headed in the right direction. Faith acts as an invisible shield that deflects such false accusations. 

Lord, it’s hard and exhausting. I can only be who I am. What others perceive I can’t control.

Believers musts keep in constant communication with our Leader for direction and encouragement. Our prayers for one another are important and effectual. 

Pray on, dear Friends…I’ll join with you. The battle is real and won on bended knee. Praying circles over you. 

Have you ever had a moment when you thought, “geez, I just don’t deserve this” and you didn’t even think it in a negative way…you just simply meant, “how on earth could I possibly be this blessed?”.

That’s exactly how I feel right now.

God gave me Him as an eternal Father, but he didn’t stop there. God gave me a set of  wonderful parents. In their strengths and weaknesses along with their hard work and sacrifice I have learned and gained so much, but He didn’t stop there. God gave me a circle of influence and it keeps growing and growing. In the middle of this circle he gave me Billy and Melissa Duker.

These two are an example of a God centered marriage where God can work in miraculous ways simply because the two remain willing to let God stay in the spotlight. On top of that, they pour their love into those around them and even take in  extra kids like me. They teach me so much and they shower me with unconditional love. They support me, encourage me, occasionally save me from myself, but really their greatest gift to me is that they pray for me as though I was one of their own.

If Heaven required recommendations you’d have mine ❤

As I respond in obedience to the Lord I find myself with some extra time on my hands and this is where He has led me to spend it.

I am part of a women’s small group and we have taken a 40 day prayer challenge together as we read Draw the Circle by Mark Batterson. Almost two weeks into this challenge and I am having a surreal moment. To explain in words what is happening won’t do it justice.

One must really experience a journey such as this and I hope you will, but what I want to share today is this thought…

God created us so uniquely and so intricately…each detail planned precisely even before we were in our mother’s womb (Jeremiah 1:5). If One took that much effort to create us, he must also desire so deeply to be included in our daily lives.

As a mom I think about how I carried my babies and had a part to do with them coming to life, but I didn’t create the DNA that formed them, nor did I orchestrate the precise way in which their father and I would meet so each of our kids could have the exact uniqueness that God intended. I didn’t plan them (HA! Infact 2 of the 3 were conceived while on birth control) yet I want my kids to want to spend time with me. I want them to forever include me in their every struggle, every question, every victory!

As their mom it’s my job to guide them, to protect them, to breathe belief back into them when this world breaks them down.

Right now our group is experiencing major hurdles. This isn’t a surprise. We knew that when we banned together in prayer that we were entering into God’s presence and the enemy isn’t going to just stand back and let that happen.

This all sparked an image for me.

I want to be lassoed to the Lord!

James 4:8 says “Draw close to God, and God will draw close to you”

If we’re lassoed to Him and life starts pulling at us the lasso just gets tighter!

So Friends, I urge you to lasso yourself to God and cling to Him for the ride.

It will likely be a rough one if you’re on the right road, but a rough road is much easier to endure when you’ve got the right company.

This whole Seminar year I have been working pretty consistently, but certainly did not expect that come May I would be so close to finishing Court of Sales and earning my first diamond ring. An excitement bubbled from deep within and after praying and consulting a wise friend I decided to pray hard and go for it!

All of May I made a very public display of my goal and enlisted the help of any willing friend and many were willing (thank you so much). I worked incredibly hard within my boundaries of balance and come the last day of the month I was so super close that I couldn’t imagine God NOT wanting this goal finished.

For 4 days I’ve been called to a period of quietness and stillness. In my stubborness I wanted my answer to be “Yes, finish it! Get the ring, walk the stage”, but something remained unsettled in me. So, this morning, after talking with that same wise friend and praying again, I came to the realization that the ring had somewhat clouded my vision and that though God did set the goal on my heart, it was for far greater purpose…for a way bigger vision!

THE VISION EVOLVED

I have been praying for months that God would grow my trust and my faith. He has, I had to trust Him to carry me through the work I would have to do to complete this goal.I had to trust He would bless every single effort I put into it. I had to trust Him even more to release the ring and the recognition so I could see and fulfill His bigger plan.

I always said it was never really about the ring. I wanted mostly to know I could work as hard as I have and reach a goal way beyond me. In my humanness I allowed it to become about the ring for a short period of time wanting to say “I finished it” and walk the Seminar stage, but in God’s eyes I can still finish the goal (His goal) and I will. I might not have the ring, but I have God’s vision. His vision is more beautiful and purposeful than mine had been. See, in God’s vision, I would grow more into the woman he wants me to be…a woman he can use in the lives of others even more…in ways I wasn’t seeing until now.

Through this goal I’ve watched many people become more motivated. I’ve watched people see a greater potential in themselves. I’ve swallowed my own pride just a little bit more and I’ve grown tremendously from it. Even more, God has laid a greater desire on my heart to work and utilize my business in ways I wasn’t.

I’m not letting go of the goal that was laid on my heart…it just looks a bit different. Instead of walking across the stage to receive a ring, I will continue to work towards the finish line and donate 10% of my sales from both May and June (the two months I had committed to finishing the goal) to Compassion’s Water of Life Program. You can read about it here: Compassion Water of Life.

I want to close with this verse that God gave me this morning and then confirmed in me when I sat down to Bible study this morning, “In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps” Proverbs 16:9. In “Draw the Circle” by Mark Batterson he writes, “The Hebrew word kun, translates in Proverbs 16:9 as ‘establishes,’ can also be translated as ‘determines,’ ‘prepares,’ ‘ provides,’ ‘sets in place,’ ‘directs,’ ‘firmly decides,’ ‘makes secure.’ It’s a meticulous word that involves careful planning right down to the smallest detail. It’s a redemptive word that celebrates God’s ability to redeem past experiences and recycle them for future opportunities. It’s a calming word that imparts confidence in the fact that God has everything under control”.

The future has endless opportunities and praise God for having them all under control!

Reading another GREAT book, You’re Made for a God-Sized Dream by Holley Gerth. 

I’ve been posting all over my facebook page as a result of how this book is touching my heart, but one simple part in my reading today has really caught my attention. 

Holley writes, “You are the only you we have. That means your God-sized dream either happens through you or not at all”. Wait, what?! 

This line reminds me of a saying I hear in my Mary Kay business, “if it’s meant to be, it’s up to me”. So much truth in this right? Of course it must also be in God’s will, but if we take no steps towards doing anything then we forfeit the God-sized dream all together. 

So what about those who don’t know what God-sized dreams exist in their life? Does that mean that life is wasted and there is no point? NO! It means that while we seek and discern what God-sized dreams to take part in, God is ready and waiting to use us right where we are and all along the way! 

I posted a question as part of an assignment in my study. Simple question, “what 3 strengths do you see in me?”. In return I responded with 3 strengths I see in them. I am blown away at the response! Honestly, I grew more when I was able to praise God for the 3 strengths they each have that I am blessed by.

I am plain and simple me. Nothing extravagant. I’m not perfect. I can be grumpy, easily overwhelmed. I snap at my children occassionally. I have lazy days. I make many mistakes and God makes sure those humbling mistakes continue to shape me, but when I respond to God’s call right where I am, He uses me.

I’m willing to be transparent. I am willing to admit my faults and correct them so I can be of more use to Him. What people see as strengths in me they see because God uses those strengths to touch the lives of each one of the people who answered my question. He doesn’t use me because I’m only strengths and no weaknesses. He uses me because despite my weaknesses, he’s gifted me strengths to make a difference. He has made me ME and nobody else can fulfill the tasks He has willed for me. Nobody else can fulfill the tasks He has willed for YOU! 

Don’t waste time trying to be something or someone you’re not, but work on being YOU…the you He’s uniquely created you to be and praise him for choosing you right where you are. Ask him to equip you and use you. Praise Him for growing you to fulfill the God-sized dream he has set aside for only you to do and then go for it with all you have in you because nobody else can…nobody else will.